Oscar the Grouch and the Smartphone Catastrophe
One day, deep in his smelly, junk-filled trash can, Oscar the Grouch received an unexpected gift from Elmo. It was a brand-new, state-of-the-art smartphone.
“Here, Oscar! Now you can stay connected with all your friends!” Elmo said with a giggle.
“Bah! I don’t want any friends, and I definitely don’t want to be connected!” Oscar grumbled, but he took the phone anyway. He figured it would make a great paperweight for his old newspapers.
However, curiosity got the best of him, and he started poking at the screen. “Ugh! It’s too shiny! Too clean! Too… happy!” he groaned. But then, something caught his eye.
“Wait a second… I can order garbage directly to my trash can?” He gasped as he discovered a junkyard auction app.
Within minutes, he had bid on an old, rusty shopping cart, a collection of mismatched socks, and a half-eaten sandwich from 1997.
Then, a notification popped up: “You’ve just subscribed to ‘Happy Puppets Daily’ for $9.99/month!”
“WHAT?!” Oscar shouted. “I didn’t sign up for this! How do I cancel?! Where’s the ‘Make It Miserable’ button?!”
He started jabbing the screen furiously, only to accidentally activate Siri.
“Hello, Oscar! How can I make your day wonderful?” the phone chirped.
“YOU CAN’T!” Oscar roared.
“Searching for ‘you can’t’… Here are some motivational quotes to brighten your day!” Siri responded.
Oscar screamed in frustration. He tried to throw the phone away, but it bounced back, thanks to his trash can’s oddly strong Wi-Fi signal.
Just then, Big Bird walked by. “Oh, Oscar! Are you enjoying your new phone?”
Oscar scowled. “No! This thing is a nightmare! It keeps trying to cheer me up!”
Big Bird smiled. “Maybe you just need to personalize it. Here, let me help!” He tapped on the settings. “There! Now your ringtone is the sound of a garbage truck, your background is a picture of a moldy banana peel, and I turned off all the happy notifications!”
Oscar stared at the screen, now displaying a beautifully disgusting photo of an overflowing dumpster.
“Hey… that’s actually pretty good,” he admitted.
At that moment, the phone buzzed again. “Your half-eaten sandwich from 1997 has been delivered.”
Oscar grinned. “You know what? Maybe this thing ain’t so bad after all.”
And from that day forward, Oscar the Grouch became the world’s grumpiest influencer, posting daily updates about rotten lettuce, noisy traffic, and why he still hated everything—except, maybe, express garbage delivery.
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