Scene: Oscar’s trash can, covered in newspaper clippings from the Vietnam War. He sighs, rubbing his green, fuzzy forehead, clearly annoyed.
Oscar:
“Ugh, you wanna talk about the Tet Offensive? Fine, but don’t expect me to be happy about it!
So, back in ’68, the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese launched this huge surprise attack during Tet, the Vietnamese New Year. They hit over a hundred cities, including Saigon and Hue. Everybody thought the war was winding down, but—surprise!—it was just heating up. Talk about ruining a celebration!
And the American public? Oh boy, they did not like seeing all that carnage on their TV sets. People started realizing that maybe, just maybe, the government wasn’t telling the whole truth. Gee, ya think?
Walter Cronkite, the news guy, basically told America, ‘This war is a lost cause.’ And if Cronkite says it, it’s gospel! Next thing ya know, LBJ throws in the towel and doesn’t run for re-election. Classic case of reality smacking people in the face like a rotten banana peel.
But hey, war’s a mess, just like my trash can—except I like my mess! This one? Not so much.”
Oscar grumbles and pulls a lid over his head, mumbling about ‘stupid wars and even stupider questions.’
Bert and Oscar the Grouch Discuss the Battle of Hamburger Hill
Scene: Oscar’s trash can, which now has an old army helmet sitting on top. Bert, looking unusually serious, stands next to it while Oscar slouches inside, looking annoyed.
Bert:
“Sigh… Oscar, I can’t stop thinking about the Battle of Hamburger Hill.”
Oscar:
“Ugh, Bert! Why do you always gotta bring up heavy stuff? Can’t we just talk about, I don’t know, rotten fish or something?”
Bert:
“Oscar, this was important! It was May 1969, deep in the Vietnam War. The U.S. Army’s 101st Airborne Division fought like crazy to take Hill 937—later called Hamburger Hill—from the North Vietnamese. Ten days of brutal fighting, Oscar. Ten days! Steep terrain, monsoon rains, endless waves of machine gun fire… it was like trying to climb a muddy garbage heap while people were shooting at you!”
Oscar:
“Sounds awful. But hey, why’d they call it Hamburger Hill? Some guy bring a barbecue?”
Bert:
“Groan… No, Oscar! The name came from how soldiers were ground up like hamburger meat. It was a disaster. When they finally took the hill, they just abandoned it a few weeks later! The soldiers were furious. They lost brothers for what? A hill they didn’t even keep?”
Oscar:
“Sheesh. That’s like diggin’ through a trash pile for a week just to throw away the best garbage! What a waste.”
Bert:
“Exactly! The whole thing made people back home even angrier about the war. It was one of those moments that made America question, ‘Why are we even here?’ Soldiers were exhausted, morale was crumbling, and public opinion kept turning against the war.”
Oscar:
“Yeah, yeah, sounds like a real mess. But, Bert, you wanna know what really bothers me?”
Bert:
“What, Oscar?”
Oscar:
“The fact that you just stood here and ruined my perfectly grouchy day by making me think about this!”
Oscar slams his trash can lid shut, while Bert sighs and stares off, still deep in thought.
Oscar the Grouch on the Fall of Saigon
Scene: Bert is still standing beside Oscar’s trash can, looking somber about Hamburger Hill. Oscar, however, has had enough. His green furry arms flail as he angrily pops up from his can, jabbing a finger at Bert.
Oscar:
“Oh, you think that was bad, Bert?! You wanna talk about a real trash pile of a moment? Lemme tell ya about the Fall of Saigon—April 30, 1975, the day the whole war officially went down the drain!”
Bert straightens up, startled by Oscar’s sudden outburst.
Oscar:
“For years, the South Vietnamese were fightin’ to keep control, but when the U.S. packed up and left, the North Vietnamese came rolling in like a tidal wave of trouble. The city was in chaos—people desperate to escape, soldiers abandoning their posts, and Americans scrambling to get out before the whole thing came crashing down!”
Bert:
“I remember the helicopters on the embassy roof—”
Oscar:
“Oh yeah, Bert, the famous rooftop evacuations! They were stuffing people into helicopters like sardines, flying ‘em out to aircraft carriers because the whole place was falling apart. People clung to the landing gear, begging to be taken out. You ever see a guy punch his way onto a helicopter, Bert? ‘Cause it happened!”
Bert:
“Gulp That sounds terrifying…”
Oscar:
“And you wanna talk waste? The U.S. had to shove helicopters right off the aircraft carriers into the ocean just to make room for more evacuees! Perfectly good choppers, dumped like last week’s tuna casserole!”
Bert:
“Well… at least some people made it out, right?”
Oscar:
“Some, Bert. But not all. Thousands got left behind. The North Vietnamese marched right in, took over the city, and renamed it Ho Chi Minh City. Just like that, poof, South Vietnam was history! All that fighting, all that suffering, and in the end? Trash!”
Oscar slams his trash can lid down, then pops it open one last time for a final thought.
Oscar:
“So yeah, Bert. You wanna talk about wars that made people angry? The Fall of Saigon was the grand finale of a disaster! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna sit in my can and be properly miserable about it!”
Bert, stunned and a little shaken, just nods as Oscar disappears back into his trash can. The lid rattles shut with finality. The air is heavy with history.