Category: Puppets

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Oscar the Grouch on the Tet Offensive

Scene: Oscar’s trash can, covered in newspaper clippings from the Vietnam War. He sighs, rubbing his green, fuzzy forehead, clearly annoyed.

Oscar:
“Ugh, you wanna talk about the Tet Offensive? Fine, but don’t expect me to be happy about it!

So, back in ’68, the Viet Cong and North Vietnamese launched this huge surprise attack during Tet, the Vietnamese New Year. They hit over a hundred cities, including Saigon and Hue. Everybody thought the war was winding down, but—surprise!—it was just heating up. Talk about ruining a celebration!

And the American public? Oh boy, they did not like seeing all that carnage on their TV sets. People started realizing that maybe, just maybe, the government wasn’t telling the whole truth. Gee, ya think?

Walter Cronkite, the news guy, basically told America, ‘This war is a lost cause.’ And if Cronkite says it, it’s gospel! Next thing ya know, LBJ throws in the towel and doesn’t run for re-election. Classic case of reality smacking people in the face like a rotten banana peel.

But hey, war’s a mess, just like my trash can—except I like my mess! This one? Not so much.”

Oscar grumbles and pulls a lid over his head, mumbling about ‘stupid wars and even stupider questions.’

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Aesop’s Fables

Bert’s Hard Sell on a Puppet Stage Rental

(Bert stands in front of a sleek, professional-looking puppet stage, adjusting his tie. He claps his hands together and looks straight into the camera with a salesman’s intensity.)

Bert:
“Alright, listen up, folks! I don’t have time for nonsense, and neither do you, so let’s cut to the chase. You need a puppet stage? We got a puppet stage! And not just any rinky-dink, flimsy cardboard setup—NO! This is a premium, top-of-the-line, professional-grade puppet performance platform!

Got a birthday party? Boom! Instant entertainment. School play? Bam! Standing ovation guaranteed. Need a distraction for your rowdy kids? Poof! Problem solved!

This baby is sturdy, collapsible, and easy to transport. Set it up in minutes—no tools, no headaches, just pure puppet magic. And let’s talk features:

  • Velvet curtains? You betcha! Adds that fancy Broadway touch!
  • Hidden compartments? Perfect for quick puppet swaps—seamless performance, no awkward pauses!
  • Adjustable height? So whether you’re a four-year-old or a full-grown adult with dreams of stardom, this stage works for you!

And for a limited time only, we’re throwing in free stage lighting—because nothing ruins a great show like bad lighting!

So don’t waste time! Call Laugh Rentals NOW and secure your puppet stage before someone else does. Supplies are limited, and trust me—you don’t wanna be the only sad sap at the party without a stage!

I’m Bert. I believe in quality. And I never oversell. Rent the puppet stage. Now.“

Laugh Rentals – Because Every Great Show Needs a Great Stage!

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Why I Am Evil

Bert’s Vietnam Flashbacks

(Scene opens with Bert sitting on a rusty folding chair, staring off into the distance, a half-smoked cigarette between his fingers. Ernie watches from the doorway, concerned.)

Bert: (voice low, almost a whisper)
“You ever hear the sound of an M60 rattling in the jungle, Ernie? It’s like thunder and death rolled into one… and you pray to whatever god you got that it ain’t your ticket home.”

(Cue flashback: A young, battle-worn Bert in a mud-soaked helmet grips an M16, ducking behind a sandbag bunker. Explosions light up the night, shadows of Viet Cong soldiers moving through the trees.)

Bert (voiceover):
“I was just a kid… a grunt in the 1st Cav. They sent me in with a bunch of other wide-eyed recruits, barely outta Sesame Street. We thought it was all gonna be honor and glory. We were wrong.”

(Flashback shifts: Bert and his unit march through the rice paddies, their boots sinking in deep. A buddy nudges him—Private Grover, young and scared.)

Grover:
“Ohhh, Bert, I do not like this, nope nope nope!”

Bert:
“Keep your head down, Grover. Just keep moving.”

(A sudden burst of gunfire. Grover drops. Bert freezes for a second—then drags his friend behind cover, shaking him, but the light in Grover’s eyes is gone.)

(Back in the present, Bert exhales, his hands trembling. Ernie steps closer, unsure what to say.)

Ernie:
“Bert… you never told me.”

Bert:
“Some things you don’t talk about, Ernie. Some things you just live with.”

(A long silence. Bert stares into the distance again as the echoes of war fade. Outside, the sound of children laughing fills the air. Bert closes his eyes, gripping his knees, caught somewhere between the past and the present.)